The (In)Famous FAQ

 

Is this a library?

No.  The books are for sale and are not to be read without payment.  However, we do have an excellent collection of current newspapers and relatively new magazines available to read free of charge, except Nicaragua Living and the Spanish edition of National Geographic, which can be read after you pay for them.   

Is this a book exchange?

No, No, and No.

Do you buy books?

It depends on the author, the condition of the book, and whether or not we believe it will sell quickly.  We are always looking for novels by authors such as Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Tom Robbins, Oscar Wilde, Kurt Vonnegut and Isabel Allende.  If we decide to purchase a book, we pay about a third to half of the resell price, depending on the quality and demand.  Just because you buy a book from our store does not mean we will buy it back.  We have a large inventory in our bodega.  We do not rent books. 

Where do you get your books?

We purchase books from publishers, authors, bookstores, online vendors, auctions, and individuals.  Certain friends, family members and customers have generously donated some great titles to the store.  We will gladly accept your book donations.

Why are your books so cheap?

We strive to fill the store with new books at reasonable prices.  If we get a good deal on a book, we try to pass the savings to the customer. 

Do you offer discounts?

No.  The prices of the books are not negotiable, so please don’t offer to pay less than the asking price.  Most of the books were purchased with the idea that if they don’t sell, they’ll wind up in our personal collection.  A certain member of this partnership sees that as a good thing.  One can never have too many books on Rasputin or Chaos Theory, and as such, there is no motivation for us to sell below the fair asking price. 

Why are your books so expensive?

See afore-answered question, “Why are your books so cheap?”  We do not feel that $5 for a once-read paperback on the New York Times’ Bestseller List is expensive.  That equates to four (or less) local cervezas.  On the other hand, a plane ticket back to the United States, Canada, or Europe to buy that paperback is rather expensive and might not be the wisest use of funds.  Our bookstore profits will not propel us into the financial stratosphere for a coveted position on the Forbe's List of Individuals with Way Too Much Money.

In the end, people need to realize that this is an English bookstore in Nicaragua.  That bears repeating.  This is an English bookstore in Nicaragua.  You cannot wave a magic wand and fill the shelves with free books.  Shipping to Nicaragua is horrifically expensive and there is no guarantee a package will actually arrive, let alone arrive in saleable condition and in a timely manner.  We pay between $3 (paperbacks) and $12 per book to have books shipped here.  Our books prices are reasonable.  They are probably the cheapest English (non-photocopied a la Vietnam) books in a non-English speaking country on the planet.  Seriously.  We have been to bookstores on six continents.  If you see a high price, it is because the book is out-of-print or we had to pay full price and shipping to bring it to Nicaragua.

This is Nicaragua.  Everything should be cheap!

Cheap is a relative term.  ince we opened our doors in October 2005, our electric bill has increased 500 percent thanks to the thieves at Union Fenosa.  Eggs and lettuce have doubled in price.  Milk is 40 percent more expensive.  The dollar has plummeted against the euro, and the cordoba has dropped faster than the dollar.  Oil now trades $70 per barrel higher.  Postal rates and transportation costs have increased, and there has been massive inflation on basic commodities. 

 We currently pay one percent of our revenue to the local municipality, one percent to the state, 15 percent IVA (sales tax) on food sales, and a corporate tax of 30 percent on profits.  Many businesses in town have somehow managed to avoid paying taxes.  We are not one of those businesses. When you add in the cost of obtaining premium products (Virginia ham, Wisconsin cheese, bagels, chocolate syrup - all of which cost significantly more than their place of origin), living wages, tariffs on equipment, and all the other fees, obligations, and charitable donations, it’s really expensive to run a business.

Do you have book recommendations?

This is the most frequent question and the most difficult to answer.  Kelly prefers twisted humor (Tim Dorsey, Carl Hiaasen, Christopher Moore), the all out strange (Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart), dark (Josie and Jack by Kelly Braff, Lolita and Invitation to a Beheading by Vladimir Nabokov, and The Secret History by Donna Tartt), and travel (The Sex Lives of Cannibals by J. Maarten Troost).  Rob prefers biographies of Khrushchev and Rasputin, Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins, The Omnivores Dilemma by Michael Pollan, and David Sinclair’s Sir MacGregor and the Land that Never Was.  We both recommend Max Barry’s Jennifer Government and Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole.

Is this an Internet café?  Do you have Wi-Fi?

No, this is not an internet café.  El Gato Negro is a Bookstore and Coffeehouse.  We do have wireless and if it's not too busy, we'll give you the password to use our connection.  Our place is about books and conversation.  We don't want to see people hiding behind a computer screen or taking up valuable table space while they nurse the free refills on the house coffee.  You're on vacation.  Unplug.

Do you sell magazines?

No.  There are currently no magazine distributors willing to schlep down to San Juan del Sur to deliver two-week old copies of Newsweek at grossly inflated prices.  Even if we could easily access Sports Illustrated or People, the vast majority of our customers would pull a Barnes & Noble deal, spending five hours parked in a chair reading (and destroying) magazines without actually purchasing said magazines.  In the end, we believe it’s easier to purchase periodicals for the store than explain to the distributor why the now-worn magazines haven’t sold.

Do you take credit cards?

Not at the moment.  We do not have a landline for the telephone and quite honestly, credit cards are a hassle and not worth the cost.  You shouldn't be paying for breakfast with your ATM card.  Every purchase you make with your ATM or credit cards is tracked by faceless corporate entities for nefarious marketing purposes.  Cash is king.  If you have a PayPal account, we can do a transfer over the internet.  There are four ATMs in town, including one located one block away from the store.  We take US Dollars, Cordobas, Euros, and gold bullion. 

So many rules!  Isn’t the customer always right?

No, particularly when people are not actual customers, such as those who read our new books (thus creating a used book) without paying for the books.  Speaking on behalf of bookstore owners everywhere, bookstores are not libraries.  Yes, this might sound a little harsh, but it would not be mentioned on these pages if it was not a serious issue.  (It doesn't help that we were erroneously listed as a book exchange in the Lonely Planet Guide to Nicaragua and El Salvador, one of several reasons why you won't see it for sale on our shelves.)

Just because many people exhibit bad behavior in a bookstore does not mean it is condoned by the industry.  In fact, it is the biggest complaint by bookstore owners.  Many independents are so desperate to survive that they are afraid to tell their customers to buy the book or put it back on the shelf.  We are not desperate and therefore can speak freely where others might shy away.   

You cannot attend a movie, concert, or play and then demand a refund after ten minutes because you didn’t like the performance.  Books are also artistic endeavors and shall be treated as such.  After reading a page or two, if the book holds no appeal, please return it to the shelf.  If you continue reading, we assume you want to purchase the book. 

If you feel the need to moan and groan about prices, please have the courtesy to do it away from the store or we might have to express our hidden personas - The Book Nazis.

What is a Book Nazi?

“No Books for you!”  Book Nazi is a spoof of the infamous "Soup Nazi" episode of the TV sitcom Seinfeld.  The Soup Nazi, a high-strung chef and creator of the best soups in New York City, banned customers with picky attitudes from his restaurant.

We have poured our hearts into this business, and as such, we are particularly sensitive to criticism regarding pricing (hence the lengthy explanation above).  If you feel the need to complain, we may feel the need to send you on your way to all the cheap booksellers in Nicaragua.  Oh, that's right, they don't exist.  In Managua, English books (and a crappy selection at that) tend to be between 50 and 100 percent of the cover price.  You can always try the book exchanges, which offer a great selection of ancient Harlequin romances.

For $20, you can go a movie and leave with a vague memory of an overpaid actor and an extra inch on the waistline from the popcorn.  It’s the same with beer.  You can spend $40 on a night you’ll barely remember, where a $12 book remains with you as long as you desire.  Overall, books are a far better value than movies or beer.  Don’t complain about the cost of books.

Do you have cats at El Gato Negro?

Until recently, no, and if you are the Health Inspector, definitely no.  Last year, a little black kitten showed up on our doorstep and climbed through the window.  Obviously, we could not say no to a black cat.  We named him Nicky, thinking he was a she because with kittens, you just can't tell.  A day later, a sweet little one-eyed (thanks to a dog) kitten made an appearance.  We named her Isabel.  (Fortunately, we guessed her sex correctly.)  Nikita (or Nikito as our staff refers to him) and Isabel are the best of friends.  When we can round them up to go to work in the morning, you will find them on your lap, the bar, the bookshelves, potted plants, the and on the burlap bags of coffee.

It would seem that we should be called "Los Locos Perros" in that we have more dog guests than cats.  We tend to have more cats than monkeys, though.  We are pet friendly, unless you are the Health Inspector in which I must reiterate that there are no living animals at El Gato Negro outside of the Homo sapien touristas sprawled across the couch.

 

Rodolfo and Cindy/Bonsai.  Cindy and Maya (a baby Congo monkey) are frequent visitors to El Gato Negro. 

Their mothers were killed by poachers.  Both monkeys need constant care for the first two years of their lives.

"Where's my food?" demands Nicky.  "I like the breakfast sandwich."

Jiff and Boo Boo.